Life at a Lively Pace

Why is it that, at age two, we fight nap time tooth and nail but when we become adults and could really use a nap (even 15 minutes in a cubicle), we can’t get one?

If someone had told me everything that was going to transpire between January and now, I would have either worried myself into an early grave or just lost my mind on the spot.  I’m very glad that God doesn’t typically let us in on the future.  Very few of us could handle it.  I sometimes wonder how the prophets were able to process and cope with the knowledge of the future that God gave them.

Besides the heart blip, I ended up with another physical issue.  Without going into details, I’m hoping and praying that my body will resolve the problem on its own.  If not, I’ll be in the doctor’s office in about two weeks for an interventionary procedure. **sigh**

Now, on to the good stuff.  Of course, none of it is simple - God doesn’t want me to get bored.

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First things first - thank you for your prayers concerning my niece.  The headache she developed was a direct result of the spinal tap that had been performed several days prior. We still do not have an explanantion for the symptoms that put her in the ER - I suppose it will remain a mystery for now.

The other bit of news is that my job hunt intensity has increased.  We were just informed yesterday that, instead of closing the office on June 30 (as originally planned), plans have been stepped up.  The office will be closing on May 31.  I just lost a 4-week chunk of time to find a job.  I’m beginning to feel the heat.  While I have applied to several jobs in a variety of industries, I hoping that one of my two favorites comes through: production assistant in a multimedia department or tech support role for one of the local universities.

No, I’m not dead or otherwise incapacitated.  So many things have happened in the last few weeks that I haven’t had much time to think about a post, much less actually posting the thought.  Sorry! I get involved in so many different things that I’m astonished I actually have time to sleep.  I may have to do something about that!  This is a general recap of what’s been going on:

• After much running between a variety of medical offices, I have a definite diagnosis - it’s called supraventricular tachycardia (SVT). In a nutshell, the electric signal that is supposed start at the top, go down in, through and around the bottom of the heart to create the contraction gets screwy. Instead, it starts at the top, goes in and gets caught in a loop, causing the heart to beat faster and faster in an attempt to pump out the blood. Test results have shown that I can go from 80 beats per minute to 165 and not even be aware of the change. This is not good since the overly rapid heart beat causes the heart to pump inefficiently. Thankfully, I’m on a baby dose of medication and it’s completely under control now.
• My brother-in-law, Rick, and his family have finally moved into their home here in PA after a long and grueling search for a job and a place to live. We’ve been helping out on weekends, doing some minor repair work and helping set stuff up.
• Earlier this month, we managed to take a day off from work and went to the Philadelphia Flower Show with hubbie’s sister and her husband.  This year’s theme was Ireland.  I have a bunch of pictures from that - some really beautiful displays - but I haven’t had time yet to post it to my Flickr account.  Maybe I’ll get some down-time this afternoon…
• Our niece, Shannon, had a scary medical incident the other day. While at a friend’s house, she became incoherent, began mumbling strange things, broke into a cold sweat and started to drift in and out of consciousness. After a really long night (we’re still catching up on sleep) and a lot of nasty tests, the doctors came up with nothing. Fortunately, the tests ruled out a lot of very serious conditions that might bring on those symptoms but it isn’t very comforting when you still don’t know what caused it - or what might inadvertently bring it on again.
  Update (3/24/07): Got a phone call today around 11:30 AM - they’re taking her back to the hospital.  She quickly developed a horrible headache and is vomiting.  We’re praying that the doctor’s figure out the cause soon.
• I’ve been busy working on a website re-design for someone else. I’m not about to toot my own horn, so I’m not linking to it. If you know where/what the site is, enjoy it when it comes out (soon) - I’m really quite pleased with the way it has turned out. If you don’t know, oh well!
• The company I work for was sold and we merged another Local Company a few months ago. Prior to that event, the Local Company had become a partner of a Very Large Company, based south of here, that wanted to expand their territory into our area - a good business move. To consolidate things, Local Company let us know that our current office will be closing sometime around June or July and we were all going to move to their main office a few miles away. I would be moving out of my current position (receptionist/secretary) to a more tech-oriented position. However, Very Large Company has been downsizing in their region and now has asked Local Company, their partner, to consolidate the workflow and do the same. The responsibilities of the position I was supposed to take has been given to someone else at Very Large Company and the position was eliminated. I got that phone call yesterday.Now I have to start the great job hunt. While it is not likely that my current position will be cut prior to the office closing (someone has to answer the calls and keep things running smoothly), it always is a possibility. God has given me complete peace in this situation. I know that the right opportunity will turn up at the right time, as per His plan. One of God’s fingerprints is clearly visible : I have approximately 3 months to find a job instead of 3 days or weeks. This is a blessing that I know doesn’t happen very often - most times, you’ve got a couple of weeks at best - and it’s a blessing for which I am immensely thankful. He’s provided perfectly in the past and I know He will do so again. I just pray that my eyes will be open to see the door He’s opening rather than stubbornly staring in the opposite direction at a closed window, willing it to open itself.

Was our Christmas perfect this year? Depending on the specific point during the weekend, you would have gotten several different answers. Everything from perfectly lovely to perfectly frustrating. From an incredibly good time with family (laughing till you’re crying and your sides hurt) to having a cat get sick on the just-cleaned carpet (losing breakfast and, shortly thereafter, having an “accident”). From a beautiful Christmas Eve candlelight service to a malfunctioning garbage disposal and a kitchen sink drainage problem that backed up into the dishwasher, which, inevitably, began to leak out onto the floor. At one point yesterday morning, I was on the verge of tears and ready to call it quits.

Thankfully, I am married to a sane, compassionate man. He stopped what he was doing, grabbed me and hugged me until I calmed down. He told me that it would be OK, to let go of “perfect” - it doesn’t exist on this side of heaven. He was right (which, in and of itself, is annoying).

Reflecting on that thought now, several hours after the last of the disasters, brings to mind that first Christmas. Yes, the timing was perfect, the setting was intentional and everything about it was designed by God but, from a human perspective, it was all “wrong”. A very pregnant, unwed Jewish girl took an incredibly uncomfortable trip on the back of a donkey because the pagan (and greedy) government required her husband-to-be to go to his hometown for a head count for taxing purposes. She ends up birthing her “illegitimate” child in a stable alongside animals because the hotel reservation system didn’t work. Their first visitors were no one they knew, a band of smelly shepherds - a career that was considered to be at one of the lowest rungs of the social ladder.

Jesus didn’t have to leave heaven - He could have left us to our own devices- but His love for us compelled His choice to do so. He set aside the status and benefits of being God to become “God With Us”, complete with all of the messy, impotent trappings of humanity. Jesus came to us, born illegitimately, to make us legitimate heirs.

In the hustle and bustle of last-minute preparations, I lost sight of that. I was trying to create a perfect holiday. Jesus created a perfect way - Himself - to reunite us with God. So, was our Christmas perfect? Absolutely!

“What we anticipate seldom occurs, what we least expected generally happens.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli

No one can deny it – we all have our expectations and, to some degree, a picture in our minds of how perfectly everything would turn out if people just did (or said) things our way. It is hard to accept that life does not always go according to our plans.

December was always a rough month at college. Final papers were due and exams loomed just around the corner. In the midst of a very stressful month, we would do just about anything to decompress. For the most part, it was always the four of us – Dave and Leah, Bob and me. It had been decided that, for the last weekend before Christmas break, we would meet at Bob’s room at the beginning of open-dorm hours to exchange gifts. Leah came to my room at 7PM and we walked over to the men’s dorm. Expecting Bob’s door to be open, it was a bit of a surprise to find shut and locked. After knocking on the door, we went up to Dave’s room. Dave’s roommate, Alan, was there. Alan had no idea where Dave and Bob had disappeared to.

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Many people vocalize the things they are thankful for around this time of year. I usually don’t don’t join the fray. It’s not that I have nothing to be thankful for because I most certainly do. While I have a lot of opinions on a lot of topics and will share them, those opinions are on things external and not a part of me. The closer the topic gets to who I really am, the more I am to keep those thought and feelings internalized.

However, I will join the fray this year. Foremostly, I thank God for who He is and what He has taught me in the last year Some lessons were harder than others to learn, but He never let me feel abandoned in the midst of the lessons. One of those lessons is best summed up this way:

If God is trying to teach me a lesson, it would behoove me to pay attention the first time. He’ll keep repeating the lesson in various scenarios and at various times until I “get it” - each occurence a little worse than the previous one. Trust me on this - sit up, pay attention to the whole set of instructions and follow directions. The lesson is shorter and there’s less aggravation.

Here’s my list (in no particular order):

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I’ve been working on a facelift for a friend’s blog. Having run into some unruly code, I spent the better portion of a week in a computer cave, oblivious to the happenings in the world around me. I came up for air briefly last week, just in time to hear about Kent Hovind and the tax fraud allegations as well as the Ted Haggard scandal. It was enough to make me want to live in the computer cave permanently.

The blogosphere is chock full of blame and explanations as to who went wrong and why. Tim Challies has a good perspective on the matter:

“If we look to Ted Haggard as a representative of all that is wrong in Evangelicalism, I think we miss the most important lesson. The lesson we need to learn is that we are every bit as sinful and fallible and willful and depraved as Haggard; perhaps more so. It is only the grace of God that, like a spider being held over the flame by a nearly-invisible web, prevents me from giving in to all the sin that is in me and being dragged down by it. Oh, that He would continue to extend this grace! And oh, that I would take heed lest I, too, fall, for what is in Haggard is in me.”

There is a tendency for us Christians to vociferously agree with the statement that humanity is totally depraved. However, when we get to church, we behave and expect to see others behave in a manner that all but screams, “Look at me! Am I not all nice and clean? I don’t think nasty thoughts or do bad things ’cause I’m redeemed and the redeemed are above that sort of thing.” Honestly, how comfortable would you be describing your deepest darkest secrets, thoughts and desires to the average person in your church? I know I wouldn’t be because the average church-going Christian, at least the ones I’ve been around, would :

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Ever since junior high, I have loved algebra. I “got” it. I was always a great math student but something about algebra made me fly and my math grades reflected that. Getting the right answer was necessary but was nowhere as exciting as was the problem solving process. There were plenty of rules to memorize; however, the rules did not hinder. Instead, as long as I played by the rules, I could twist, turn and sometimes invert the equation until the answer was naturally exposed - much like a peapod exposes its contents under pressure.

Because I understood it well, enjoyed it so much and was beginning to exhibit the ability to teach, I was asked by my teachers to tutor other kids in class that just weren’t getting it. Sometimes, a peer can go further than a teacher by explaining things in a language that another struggling student suddenly can grab onto. I tutored all the way through high school, into college and now, 10+ years out of college, I still do some tutoring though not as frequently. While it would not be accurate to say that I was prideful in my ability, I certainly was a bit smug.

At some point late in high school, it occurred to me that algebra wasn’t math. Yes, there were numbers involved as well as computational symbols and the necessary rules, but it was much more. Algebra wasn’t so much about getting the answer (though it was important) as much as it was an ongoing lesson in logical problem solving. You have to find a solution to a dilemma by using information that is known/revealed and you have to work within the confines of a framework of rules. Suddenly, the light bulb inside my head turned on. That’s not math - that’s life! Now I really “got it” . I understood the big picture and went on my merry way, spreading the knowledge around to others as I moved through life.

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Dear _____________,

I know this letter may come out of the blue for you. I do not typically express myself vocally. Folks are left with the impression that I don’t care about them personally and that various situations are of no consequence. I get overly self-conscious when I speak that which is on my mind and in my heart; consequently, it creates a disconnect between my brain and my mouth. My thoughts and feelings are best expressed when I write.

You are intelligent, humble and compassionate. I respect you tremendously. You have accomplished much over the course of your life without trampling on others. I see Christ reflected in you in your dealings with the greatest and the least. You rejoice with us when all is well and grieve with us when things take a tragic turn. You have taken us, a motley crew, and created a family. You are, in essence, Dad, mentor, counselor, business man and friend.

I am greatly worried in light of the events that have recently transpired. The worry is not for myself - it is for you. Your face carries a look of despair now - one that none of us ever saw on your face even when you were dealing with the serious health issues of a loved one. Your heart now is broken because of an inevitable decision that you had to make.

Your decision had an immediate and definite impact on you and all of us. Ironically, you were forced to sell a large chunk of your childhood and adulthood in order to protect it from extinction. In this situation, no other decision would have made sense. There are so many memories entangled in this, both yours and ours. It would not surprise me to learn that you might somehow feel as if you’ve betrayed us. A few do feel that way, but for their own childish and, dare I say, selfish reasons. However, the rest of us - those of us who truly want what is best for you - understand that you made a wise decision, under a lot of pressure, and in no way feel betrayed.

Please understand that we are on your side. You are not in this alone. We are praying that God would surround you with a sense of peace. You’ve done everything in your power to support each of us in times of need. Please allow us do the same for you.